A Race Against Time
by sprinklesandphoenix
Summary: They have to complete the mission! They're the Russian mafia of course they can't fail!


_Race against time._

"Anova vodka 'arry?" Slurred Ivanovitch, the squat, muscular man who was Harry's 'mentor' from the bowlshoi biblioteka, otherwise known as the headquarters of the Russian Mafia.

"Just a double, I have that mission tomorrow." Harry replied, not at all drunk even though he had engaged in three drinking contests already that night.

"'ow are you no ddrunkkkkkkkk?" Dean demanded. "You must be cheat'n! Are you usin' de majic?" He murmured in as quiet an undertone as he could manage in his present state.

But before Harry could confess to switching the vodka with water, their wristwatches beeped simultaneously. Harry's eyes narrowed, rising from his barstool as Dean fell onto the floor of unmentionable nastiness.

_Udruciatus_

The hangover from hell hit Dean right between the eyes, making his nose throb, tears spilling from muddy brown orbs. He stumbled back a few steps, before proceeding out of the saloon doors. He was a man for god's sake he couldn't show pain! The cold air hit them like knives stabbing their bodies.

CRACK!

They disappeared. Ivanovitch scanned the horizon wondering what had happened, before hastily concluding that he had drank way too much. He curled up in the snow and was asleep instantly.

CRACK!

They were standing just outside the gates to Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, glancing over their shoulders; they opened the gates with a loud creek and entered the grassy grounds. As they walked up to the castle, their mission replayed in their minds.

IN

KILL TRELAWNEY - SHE'S A DANGER TO NATIONAL SECURITY

OUT

DONE

No ideas were in Harry's mind as of yet, but that would soon change. They strolled into the entrance hall, completely ignoring the fact that they had broken about a dozen school rules, maybe more, and saw that McGonagall was waiting for them.

If looks could kill, McGonagall and Harry would both have hit the floor within seconds, due to the intensity of their glares.

"Good evening Headmistress." Harry's tone was laden with sarcasm.

"Mr. Potter. What were you doing out so late?"

"Just a few...errands." His voice cold even as he waved a hand to say it was nothing of importance.

"Fuck this shit, you're goin' down!" Dean sprang to his guard, waving his wand threateningly.

"En guarde!" McGonagall's voice echoed through the stone hallways.

"Touche!" Dean's cry brought hundreds of faces peering out of the doors to the great hall, curious to what events were taking place. Much hushing and shoving proceeded, though the opponents we're unaware of their presence.

"God that is so, like, cliché" mocked Harry, at... both of them.

A blur of brown bushiness ran past their lines of vision, followed by an equally blurry red streak.

"You're meant to be on my side!!!" Whinged Dean.

"Oh shuttup!" Harry hissed maliciously.

"Oo.k"

"I hope you've said your goodbyes..." McGonagall threatened them both; her eyes filled with madness glinted red in the sunset, pouring out form the open doors to the grounds.

The metal grate clanged behind her, making her jump. Hermione crawled for what seemed like an age before the cool damp walls began to recede, opening out into an expanse of darkness.

Behind her, all the way back out into the open, Ron was whimpering, too afraid to follow his beloved hairball. _There could be spiders lurking in there_!

Suddenly a large pressure slammed into her face and the next thing she knew she was back beside the lump that was Ron. His eyes had widened comically in disbelief.

"Aaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!"

"Wha...Ron! What's wrong?"

"Aaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!" The slimy, glistening greenish grey tentacles that had engulfed the whole of her face scared him shitless. It was worse than spiders. Much worse. He didn't know what had happened in there but this was not his Hermione that he obediently followed from the hall.

"Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!"

"Expelliarmooooooooooose!"

"Err, Harry... I'm pretty sure that's not a spell..." Dean cautiously corrected his ally.

"No durr!!! She...she hit me... in the... butt!" He turned to show Dean the damage.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA...no way...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"

"What?! WHAT?!"

"MWAHAHAHAHA!!!" McGonagall was crazed, "Here kitty kitty, good boy come to mummy...mwahahahaha!"

"eh?"...Harry ran around in circles trying to see what had caused all the fuss, "no, no way...a tail?!" Red flushed, he span around to face her, his death-glance cut through the air like a knife through butter.

"OOO! Harry I love your tail!!! What d'ya think of my PJ's they're all pink 'n' frilly!" giggled Cho from somewhere behind him. Craning his neck to look at his gorgeous princess (as did Dean) a foreboding silence swept through the school.

BANG!

The explosives hidden by McGonagall, in the foundations of the building went off. The whole school suddenly turned into a cloud of black smoke, flames licking at the stone.

It took five days for the smoke to clear and once gone all that was left was a gigantic pot hole.

The end.


End file.
